to feel secondhand embarrassment
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to feel secondhand embarrassment
To feel shame because of another person's behavior, because their behavior is perceived as embarrassing. You feel embarrassed on someone else's behalf, even though you yourself have done nothing wrong.
Als der Kandidat in der Show anfing, schief zu singen, musste ich mich vor dem Fernseher fremdschämen.
When the contestant on the show started singing off-key, I had to feel secondhand embarrassment in front of the TV.
The word is a compound of 'fremd' (foreign/other) and 'schämen' (to be ashamed). So it literally describes being ashamed for a stranger or in place of another person.
Sein unhöfliches Verhalten war mir so unangenehm, dass ich mich für ihn fremdschämen musste.
His rude behavior was so uncomfortable for me that I had to feel secondhand embarrassment for him.
'Fremdschämen' (to feel secondhand embarrassment) is a reflexive verb and is always used with a reflexive pronoun (mich, dich, sich, etc.). You cannot 'fremdschämen someone'; you are always the one who feels the embarrassment yourself.
Schämst du dich nicht fremd, wenn dein Freund so etwas sagt?
Don't you feel secondhand embarrassment when your friend says something like that?
'Fremdschämen' (to feel secondhand embarrassment) is a separable verb, even though it often appears in the infinitive. In a main clause in the present or simple past tense, 'fremd' goes at the end of the sentence.
Immer wenn er zu sprechen begann, schämte ich mich fremd.
Every time he began to speak, I felt secondhand embarrassment.
To express whom you feel embarrassed for, the preposition 'für' is used with the accusative.
Die ganze Familie schämte sich für den betrunkenen Onkel fremd.
The whole family felt secondhand embarrassment for the drunk uncle.
to be ashamed
'sich schämen' and 'sich fremdschämen' both describe a feeling of shame. 'Sich schämen' is used when you yourself have done something embarrassing, or when you are ashamed of someone or something. 'Sich fremdschämen' is more specific: you feel secondhand embarrassment because of another person's embarrassing behavior, even though you yourself have done nothing wrong. The words can be confused because both can also have to do with other people's behavior. However, 'fremdschämen' especially emphasizes this feeling on someone else's behalf: someone else does something embarrassing, and you feel uncomfortable about it.
Auf der Feier hat sie sich fremdgeschämt, als ihr Freund den Kellner beleidigte.
At the party, she felt secondhand embarrassment when her boyfriend insulted the waiter.
Daniel hat sich geschämt, weil er im Supermarkt laut geschimpft hat.
Daniel was ashamed because he had yelled loudly in the supermarket.